Cry Baby
by Caterchipillar
Summary: Quistis is trying to give birth, but who does she share this magical moment with?


**Cry Baby**

The bright lights of the room were illuminating the white-plastered walls almost blinding her. But the pain in her abdomen, between her legs, her lower back but mostly her head was enough distraction from the intense 120 watt bulbs focused on her. Her legs were spread wide apart for almost all to see. No doubt she looked extremely grotesque with a bare-assed robe and uncouth appearance in Kadowaki's small make-shift delivery room.

"Quistis, it won't be so bad. Rememberbreathe." Selphie was doing the breathing while she held her hand. "Come on. One, huff-huff, two huff-huff."

"If you were on this bed.you wouldn't find this so easy.Aaaaaaarrrggh!!!" She screeched as she felt a sharp shooting pain. "LordKill me nowplease oh please.Get it out of me!"

Just as the eaves droppers clearly heard her howl of anguish, Seifer bursts in. He looked incredulous as he spotted a disgruntled Quistis reaching out for him. "What? Is it a boy or a girl?" He asked.

"Get over here you damned stupid oaf! I need something...to distract me." She instantly grabbed his collar as she let out another scream. 

"Quistylet go!! You'reecchh..choking me!" He pleaded Selphie to rescue him from the pregnant woman's grip with his agonized look. "He-ecch-lp!" Selphie only offered an arched eyebrow. Trapped in a roomful of women, and in a pregnant wife's iron-grip, he cautiously resorted to soothing words that might just loosen Quistis' restraints. 

"Honeygonna be okay." He felt her fingers loosen a bit on his collar, but he continued on. "You'll be finethe baby will be fine." Just as he was ready to make his escape, she grabbed him again.

"You're staying hereYou should suffer as much as I am" Why should the women suffer in pain just because for the men's stupid pleasure. She felt another pain shoot through her. She grabbed his neck with both hands shaking him uncontrollably. "Get it out off me!! Seifer, you wretch!! Don't come near me ever again! I can't take this!" Seifer was once again being choked. "Why is this happening to me??" 

"Because of what happened in the backseat of a car?" Selphie supplied, but this only earned her a glare from the disgruntled Seifer. 

And once again, Quistis felt a very painful sensation as the couple and Selphie screamed for Doctor Kadowaki in unison.

"I've only been gone for five minutes and my infirmary turns into a circus." Kadowaki found her eyes on Seifer and shook her head in disappointment. "Didn't I tell you to stay outside? Now look what you've gotten yourself into."

The couple both pleaded at the same time.

"Let me out!" Seifer howled

"Get it out!" Quistis cried.

Selphie rolled her eyes heavenward and silently thought to herself. _Poor kid, your parents are hopeless. _"Well, I think I should leave this mess up to you doc." The moment she reached the door, she twisted the knob, but it only to refused to be turned. "Oh no!! We're stuck!" This only got Quistis edgy and Seiferwell, horrified. 

"That's a joke right?" He said.

Kadowaki on the other hand was calm and reassured them that there's a phone inside and that they could call someone later on to open the door for them.

"What's the use of lock for the inside doc?" Selphie asked.

"We get very ill and cantankerous patients."

Speaking of cantankerous, Zell walked in and slammed the door behind him. "Hey, is it a boy or a girl?", repeating the same question Seifer had asked earlier. 

"You idiot!! We're locked in! And it's not out yet!" Seifer was on the edge of losing his temper.

"Doooc!! I think it's coming! I can feel it!" Quistis got everyone's attention. 

"Ohhh! Grooss!!!!" Zell reached for the door, but found it the same way as Selphie have. "Oh GodI'll go on a long mission, I'll lay off on the hotdogs, just pleasedon't let me be trapped in hereLet me out, God!!."

"Let us out!!" Seifer and Zell prayed out loud. 

"Okay Quistis, push!!" Kadowaki ordered. Just as she was screaming, so was Seifer and Zell. "Aaaaahh!!!"

Seifer, who was being held in a painful death-grip around his neck and Zell, who just had to witness the delivery were now reciting their resolutions. 

The door swung open and hit Zell in forehead as Irvine walked in. "Is it a boy or a girl?" The door slowly closed before Zell could even reach it. "You idiot!! Now we can't get out!" Zell screamed in frustration. "And no! It's not out yet!"

"Quistis, dear, breathethen push!!" Kadowaki held her legs apart. 

"Eeewwwnasty!!" Zell had to cover his mouth, close his eyes and turn around. 

"Whoah!! Cool!! So that's where they come out!" Irvine looked as if he was watching TLC for the first time. 

Selphie didn't think that this is anything close to when she found herself trapped in Cid's closet, searching for her confiscated video camera, and her consequence was to witness him and Edea do the nasty. She shuddered in disgust. It's the only event she thought that doesn't deserved to be taped.

Right now, she was happily taping this magical moment so she would have something to show the baby when he or she grows up.

Quistis didn't know where and which she should be frustrated about, the baby or the bigger babies in the infirmary. "Aaahh!! When I'm through this! I'm gonna kill you all!!"

Zell banged on the door. "Hey!! Someone open up!! Let us out!!!"

"You guys are bad actors." Selphie said behind her cam-corder and resumed her taping. "Well kid, this is your Aunt Selphie, that over there is your retarded Uncle Zell and that's your Uncle Irvine with the cowboy hat." She focused her camera on Seifer. "I think you'd know who that is. Say hi to the camera 'daddy'!" 

"Knock it off!" Seifer scoffed who was still under Qustis' grip.

Dismayed, she focused her lenses on Quistis. "Well, kid. This is your mommy. Say hello to the camera 'mommy'."

"Turn that thing off!" Quistis screeched.

"You guys are no fun! Now I know for sure your kid is going to run away from home."

The delivery lasted for a good forty-five minutes and so did the men's anguish. They wailed for the exit that wouldn't open, while Selphie enjoyed watching them in torment. "Look!! It's a healthy baby boy!" Seifer, Zell and Irvine's cries were soon joined by a cry of an infant in a matter of moments. Quistis collapsed in exhaustion, while Seifer sighed in relief and awe.

"Oh my God!! Did Doc just cut off the baby's 'privates?" Zell asked incredulously.

"No you idiot!! That was the umbilical cord!" Selphie informed. "And oh yeahthere's a phone here by the way. We can call someone to open the door."

"There's a phone!!??" Zell and Irvine asked in unison.

In a matter of secondsSelphie was now the one who's crying to be let out.


End file.
